Nineteen to the dozen

Venba Chellam, The day my father left me, I can probably call it the worst day of my life. He had been my strength for 25 years, literally keeping me alive with his firm belief and support. When I lost him, I lost my will to live. Only the thought of Varun kept me from killing myself. During his last days, he regretted a lot of things. He felt bad that he couldn't find a cure for me. He knew he was leaving us in tremendous debt and maybe it was his fault that we were suffering. His hospitalization was financially nerve-wracking and he could see how much of a struggle it was. Above all, his greatest regret probably would have been getting me married against my wishes, and how it ruined me all over again. These thoughts ended up in him having a stroke, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak. Yet, he never saw me complain. From then on till he passed two months later, he never looked at me once. He would turn away when I entered the room in the hospital or later at home. He co...

My dear sunshine, I got to see you for the first time around four years ago. You had a different name then and we hadn't spoken to each other much. I just knew you as Varun's classmate, someone who brought out the best competitive spirit in him. I liked you then too, although I hardly knew how much of an impact you would have on me as the years passed. You moved to Chennai for a year and more and that's when I think I started missing you a little. I had spoken to Amma during that time and she had mentioned how much she missed you and how Varun was giving her that much-needed solace. For a parent, I guess it's hard to live away from kids. I had been through that when Varun was in Kotagiri and now, Amma had to. I somehow wished, for her sake, that you would come back. During that period, I got to know all your classmates and some of the juniors too. Shri was the one I knew the most, by virtue of living close by and meeting up with her parents on a regular basis. The re...

My daughter is training to be one of the best chefs, the world's gonna see. But I miss the opportunity to wake her up with my clumsily made breakfast of burnt toast, shabby omelettes and tea. She sleeps on her bed, her head on a pillow. Will it give her comfort like the lap of this fellow? She listens to melodious music as she sleeps. Will it sound just as sweet as this guy who bleats? She travels to places, rich in all the urban splendor Will they take her away from me, I often wonder. Oh my daughter dearest, I miss singing you a lullaby, however bad I sound. I miss making you breakfast, shabby as it will be. I miss patting you & talking long into the night. I miss watching those eyes, as they slowly close to sleep. I miss waking you up, my sleepy angel, with a kiss on the forehead and a hug each day. I miss holding your hand & walking you down to school, I miss seeing you dance, as you were meant to be. I miss watching over you, when you catch a c...

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that." "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." "You're only given a little spark of madness. Don't lose it." "I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you." "I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be." "We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering – these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life....

They say time flies, But it doesn't seem to be. It's only 3 weeks, all lies, It feels like a decade to me. I don't count time by days any more. I count every minute and a half of it. So 21 days is 30,000 and some more. There, that seems more like it. They say time flies. But 30,000 doesn't say so. So, what's the big deal, they ask? I say, breathing is such a task. Why so much emotion over a little girl? Well, she's my daughter and my pearl. They say, you have known her only a while. It's been a lifetime of missing her, I say with a smile.

You refuse to fall in love again, As you're afraid of being left in pain. While scars that you bear are in the past, There's a future, still yours to last. The one who left made you blind, To the one that could be of your own kind. While a man left you alone and broken, There's another waiting, words truly spoken. Though you left the scars behind, The pain is all there in the mind. All I can ask of you is this, You can't be healed without letting go, Set your heart free to embrace love again.

I'm sorry that you loved someone, But they made you feel like you asked for more than you deserved. I'm sorry that they abandoned you, when you needed them the most. It has made you believe that, being in love hurts. I'm sorry for all the trials and tribulations, that you had to face on your own. The sympathy, the snide remarks, the apathy, the bickering and the confusion. I'm sorry that you had to undergo all that you did. But it has made you a warrior from a queen. I salute you for your undying spirit and, for fighting your hurricanes with courage and poise.

The words hit me like a blow. "I would give my all for love. Now, I don't want to try anymore. Because, I don't think I can go through the depression again." I felt a stinging pain. A woman, who fought society, family, spouse, daughter and to an extent, herself showed steely resolve in coming back strong and motivated enough, gaining the trust of her little one and rebuilding her life from scratch. I fail to understand what I feel more. I have always had an enormous amount of respect for her right from the time I met her first, almost 4 years ago. I knew later of the tough times she apparently had to undergo and my respect for her only grew. Each time I met her, I learnt more. About her, about life, about resolve, determination, focus and liberty. My respect for her now included a healthy dose of admiration. Her thoughts on enriching children's lives at the school were uncannily similar to what I would have loved to do. Maybe that's the reason why I fel...