Venba Chellam,
The day my father left me, I can probably call it the worst day of my life. He had been my strength for 25 years, literally keeping me alive with his firm belief and support. When I lost him, I lost my will to live. Only the thought of Varun kept me from killing myself.
During his last days, he regretted a lot of things. He felt bad that he couldn't find a cure for me. He knew he was leaving us in tremendous debt and maybe it was his fault that we were suffering. His hospitalization was financially nerve-wracking and he could see how much of a struggle it was. Above all, his greatest regret probably would have been getting me married against my wishes, and how it ruined me all over again. These thoughts ended up in him having a stroke, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak. Yet, he never saw me complain. From then on till he passed two months later, he never looked at me once. He would turn away when I entered the room in the hospital or later at home. He couldn't bear to see me. I had been his constant companion in hospital for 6 months.
The day he breathed his last, I was kind of relieved. His struggles and pain were finally over. But, what of me? I had nothing. I had just enrolled Varun in a boarding school, as it would be easier to take care of dad. He passed early morning on Varun's first day at boarding school. It was 2013.
Each year, on his anniversary, I would be left with the question, "Why did you leave me alone? What do I have to look forward to? Is this all we get for trying to do good to others? Is this all there is to life?" We always say our forefathers are looking after us from above and that we will always have their blessings.
I finally got the answer to that this year. I found you. And how does this connect to my father? A year and a half after he passed, I met Amma at Samskaara while trying to get Varun back from boarding school. I had tried other schools and nothing satisfied me as much as the discussion I had with Amma. Net result, Varun ended up here and the rest of the story, we all know.
I started interacting more with Amma by chance. The kids wanted me to be the Chief Guest for School Day last year. I had moved away from Varun's mother, barely 10 days ago and was caught in a dilemma. I apologized to Amma and during school day and the week after, we got to spend some time talking about Varun. I was so happy that she supported him as much, especially at the time of need. I am thankful every day to her, for who she is. Varun had mentioned that she was an artist too and at one point I asked to see some of her sketches. This was right after we met in December, the first time my heart melted.
Amma shared a few sketches and I was left gawking at them. She had earlier dismissed me off saying she could just draw, whereas in reality she's at least a couple of decades ahead of me. The tones in shading that she could bring, I can still only dream and hope.
As I studied each of the sketches in detail over the next few days, I noticed a scribbling by the side, behind the original sketch. I turned the picture around to get a better look. It had Amma's name and her birthday. I was dumbstruck!!
It was May 6th, the day my father left me!!
Two years after he passed, my father had led me to Amma, and through Amma I found you. I don't think it was mere coincidence. I think he was sending me a message. I think he sent an angel to watch over me!
The day my father left me, I can probably call it the worst day of my life. He had been my strength for 25 years, literally keeping me alive with his firm belief and support. When I lost him, I lost my will to live. Only the thought of Varun kept me from killing myself.
During his last days, he regretted a lot of things. He felt bad that he couldn't find a cure for me. He knew he was leaving us in tremendous debt and maybe it was his fault that we were suffering. His hospitalization was financially nerve-wracking and he could see how much of a struggle it was. Above all, his greatest regret probably would have been getting me married against my wishes, and how it ruined me all over again. These thoughts ended up in him having a stroke, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak. Yet, he never saw me complain. From then on till he passed two months later, he never looked at me once. He would turn away when I entered the room in the hospital or later at home. He couldn't bear to see me. I had been his constant companion in hospital for 6 months.
The day he breathed his last, I was kind of relieved. His struggles and pain were finally over. But, what of me? I had nothing. I had just enrolled Varun in a boarding school, as it would be easier to take care of dad. He passed early morning on Varun's first day at boarding school. It was 2013.
Each year, on his anniversary, I would be left with the question, "Why did you leave me alone? What do I have to look forward to? Is this all we get for trying to do good to others? Is this all there is to life?" We always say our forefathers are looking after us from above and that we will always have their blessings.
I finally got the answer to that this year. I found you. And how does this connect to my father? A year and a half after he passed, I met Amma at Samskaara while trying to get Varun back from boarding school. I had tried other schools and nothing satisfied me as much as the discussion I had with Amma. Net result, Varun ended up here and the rest of the story, we all know.
I started interacting more with Amma by chance. The kids wanted me to be the Chief Guest for School Day last year. I had moved away from Varun's mother, barely 10 days ago and was caught in a dilemma. I apologized to Amma and during school day and the week after, we got to spend some time talking about Varun. I was so happy that she supported him as much, especially at the time of need. I am thankful every day to her, for who she is. Varun had mentioned that she was an artist too and at one point I asked to see some of her sketches. This was right after we met in December, the first time my heart melted.
Amma shared a few sketches and I was left gawking at them. She had earlier dismissed me off saying she could just draw, whereas in reality she's at least a couple of decades ahead of me. The tones in shading that she could bring, I can still only dream and hope.
As I studied each of the sketches in detail over the next few days, I noticed a scribbling by the side, behind the original sketch. I turned the picture around to get a better look. It had Amma's name and her birthday. I was dumbstruck!!
It was May 6th, the day my father left me!!
Two years after he passed, my father had led me to Amma, and through Amma I found you. I don't think it was mere coincidence. I think he was sending me a message. I think he sent an angel to watch over me!
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