Nineteen to the dozen

I'm in love with a someone, who withstood the onslaught of time. See her around once in a while, thoughts of her turn to a smile. She knows not, my feelings for her, Too confused to say, total fear. Mutual respect, we have in plenty, When I see her, my heart turns to confetti. I write to her, pages & beyond, she reads them all, doesn't respond. We live in the city, worlds apart, Yet, there's no one else in my heart. Beauty, riches, success and intellect, We're poles apart to even connect. Art, passion and yearning for love, These, our similarities as of now. Is it lust, envy, sloth or greed? Hell no! I don't belong to that breed. Love, care, respect and comfort That I know is our only need. As my feelings for her grow, so does my fear that I'll have to let go. And as I stand alone today, Wish to tell her that I love her, someday.

After numerous attempts to convince myself that you were truly busy, I finally broke down. For the last two weeks, I seem to wake up at around the same time each night, 2.20 am, and have a hard time going back to sleep because I'm thinking of you. I wonder what it is that I said or did that probably upset you so much. So many attempts to reach you, through Amma, messages left on WhatsApp that have been unanswered. I really find it hard to believe that you couldn't find the few seconds to type back saying "I miss you too, old man" or make a call and say "How are you, uncle?" Varun keeps asking me why I look so lost and sad. I don't know what I did. It troubles me each day when my daughter doesn't respond. Tears flow freely and I'm having a hard time watching the screen as I type. Did I do something wrong? I don't know what it is to be like, "not to care". While people go around their daily routine of making money, running behi...

My darling angel, The first time we had a long gap in seeing each other early this year, I mentioned that you can't do this to me. I have already missed so much of you that I miss you every moment I'm not with you. You said you would make it up to me by baking me something special every time we stayed away. I said you would have to give me time to compensate the days I miss you. For around a month or so, I took you to classes and brought you back home. We would spend an hour in all, driving to your class and back. So, we had agreed that for each day that you missed seeing me, you would give me an hour more of your time. It has been forty days now since we met last and I feel terrible without you. So, I decided to make note of the amount of time you need to give me now. Current period = 40 days Previous time = 30 days approximately Days in between = 15 days (Roughly the days you didn't have class) That makes it 85 days. In other words, you need to give me 85 hou...

Venba Chellam, The day my father left me, I can probably call it the worst day of my life. He had been my strength for 25 years, literally keeping me alive with his firm belief and support. When I lost him, I lost my will to live. Only the thought of Varun kept me from killing myself. During his last days, he regretted a lot of things. He felt bad that he couldn't find a cure for me. He knew he was leaving us in tremendous debt and maybe it was his fault that we were suffering. His hospitalization was financially nerve-wracking and he could see how much of a struggle it was. Above all, his greatest regret probably would have been getting me married against my wishes, and how it ruined me all over again. These thoughts ended up in him having a stroke, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak. Yet, he never saw me complain. From then on till he passed two months later, he never looked at me once. He would turn away when I entered the room in the hospital or later at home. He co...

My dear sunshine, I got to see you for the first time around four years ago. You had a different name then and we hadn't spoken to each other much. I just knew you as Varun's classmate, someone who brought out the best competitive spirit in him. I liked you then too, although I hardly knew how much of an impact you would have on me as the years passed. You moved to Chennai for a year and more and that's when I think I started missing you a little. I had spoken to Amma during that time and she had mentioned how much she missed you and how Varun was giving her that much-needed solace. For a parent, I guess it's hard to live away from kids. I had been through that when Varun was in Kotagiri and now, Amma had to. I somehow wished, for her sake, that you would come back. During that period, I got to know all your classmates and some of the juniors too. Shri was the one I knew the most, by virtue of living close by and meeting up with her parents on a regular basis. The re...

My daughter is training to be one of the best chefs, the world's gonna see. But I miss the opportunity to wake her up with my clumsily made breakfast of burnt toast, shabby omelettes and tea. She sleeps on her bed, her head on a pillow. Will it give her comfort like the lap of this fellow? She listens to melodious music as she sleeps. Will it sound just as sweet as this guy who bleats? She travels to places, rich in all the urban splendor Will they take her away from me, I often wonder. Oh my daughter dearest, I miss singing you a lullaby, however bad I sound. I miss making you breakfast, shabby as it will be. I miss patting you & talking long into the night. I miss watching those eyes, as they slowly close to sleep. I miss waking you up, my sleepy angel, with a kiss on the forehead and a hug each day. I miss holding your hand & walking you down to school, I miss seeing you dance, as you were meant to be. I miss watching over you, when you catch a c...