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40+ days and counting

After numerous attempts to convince myself that you were truly busy, I finally broke down. For the last two weeks, I seem to wake up at around the same time each night, 2.20 am, and have a hard time going back to sleep because I'm thinking of you.

I wonder what it is that I said or did that probably upset you so much. So many attempts to reach you, through Amma, messages left on WhatsApp that have been unanswered. I really find it hard to believe that you couldn't find the few seconds to type back saying "I miss you too, old man" or make a call and say "How are you, uncle?"

Varun keeps asking me why I look so lost and sad. I don't know what I did. It troubles me each day when my daughter doesn't respond. Tears flow freely and I'm having a hard time watching the screen as I type. Did I do something wrong?

I don't know what it is to be like, "not to care". While people go around their daily routine of making money, running behind latest gadgets and a materialistic life, I have only yearned for love. I have given it my all. Whether it's friends or family, I have always tried to be that person you could rely on. So, I don't understand if I broke your trust and it breaks my heart.

Let me know so I can correct myself or at least give me the chance to beg you to forgive me. But please, Venba, talk to me. I long to hear your voice. I miss you so so much.

At 44, I probably look like an idiot to be so immature. The last time we met, you said you would like to paint my nails and practice because they are much longer than yours. I have never allowed them to grow more than an mm before. They are brittle and tend to break off. After two unsuccessful attempts, I have managed not to break two of my nails. When Varun came to know, he couldn't stop laughing his brains off. I don't care. I don't even mind wearing nail polish for you. In fact, I will proudly show it off to people.

I have been carrying something with me for the last month and a half and I wanted you to have it. It was something I received and there's no else for me to share it with. It's not worth much, but carries a lot of value for me. Each day, over the last 45, I have been hoping to meet you and give it. Each day, I come back home disappointed.

It has been an hour since I woke up and the tears have finally stopped rolling. I hope to fall back asleep looking forward to seeing you as soon as you are ready. I hope like every other day, that it will be today.

Amma might think I'm stupid. I have troubled her so much trying to reach you. It's ok. Anything for my daughter dearest. In the end, that's all I care about.

Lots of love, dear.

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